Today was a good day. Woke up late bummed around and went back to sleep soon after lunch. I feel like I'm a pig.

FTT lessons from 4 to 8 today. I couldn't understand much bout the whole clutch theory, breaking, and what not. Zzz. Which is not a good sign cos the entire book has 122 pages and at page 9, I'm alr struggling to understand. Sigh.
Stopped by at phoenix garden for a short while cos mum had to collect something from aunt. It could be a pick up and go kinda thing which wont last more that 5mins. But well, we stayed for like 2 hours there. O.O
Nvm, I consider it my 2nd home anyway. HAHA. I'm proud to have such a HUGEEEEEEEEEEEE place as my 2nd home. LOLOL..


):
I thought that i would never have to talk bout this anymore. I thought that I wouldnt have to be afraid that this nightmare would be back to haunt me again.
Things were going so fine. Too fine in fact that sometimes it's scary. Paranoid.
I wonder what life would be like for me 20 years later. Would I be married, leading a wonderful life with kids  and a stable job and income?
Or would I be as unwanted as ever. Casted aside from every human being because I piss everybody off. And continue to be this loser brat here, which I've always been...

Last night, i couldnt sleep. Tossed and turned in bed until it was 4am.
Thinking. What he said was very true indeed..
"They're big enough to decide for themselves, sensible enough to know whats right and whats wrong. Certain things we just can't control. If ppl want to hide, lie, and cheat, there's pretty much nothing we can do."
Maybe i should just wipe my hands off this affair.
Time will heal.
But if over a period of 10 years, u hurt me once every year. Even after 10 years, the pain would still be there.

I'm just a nobody.
Envious about how so and so made such a huge impact on another so and so's life.
While im like the epitome of nothing.
Whatever i do, goes unappreciated.

Well, there should be more pressing matters for me to handle right now.
But the truth just slapped me hard in the face tonight. I turned dizzy with shock.
But nah. Nothing i can do right now.
Initially, what I thought I did was brilliant. Was intelligent.
But today I realised that it was just moronic. What I thought could protect me, turned around to abuse me even further.
This time, cutting myself on the wound which hasn't really healed.
No. It wasn't painful.
It's alr numb.

--
You should've said no, you should've gone home
You should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go

You shouldn've known that word, 'bout what you did with her
Get back to me

And I should've been there, in the back of your mind
I shouldn't be asking myself why
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me

I refuse to sleep. Cos..... I cant stop watching Lady GaGa on youtube!! :x

Chio or what.

Sigh. Seriously i should grow up. What's with me trying to control others when I myself hate it when ppl do it to me. The saying goes "the leopard never change its spots" but the fact that ppl DO change.
Why the hell should i bother..?!
It's just too much for tonight.
I probably couldn't handle.
& imposing huge resposibilities, pressure and commitment on someone i love. That's totally out of the question.

&&& I think it's time to bring the truth to light. Soon.
Have been procrastinating since YEARS ago. But all of us know the consequence of that. Negative consequences, that is.

Sigh, it's late. I think I'm tired. So this explains the rubbish in this space here.
Bugis-ed with mum today. It's nice to bring mum out to shop once in a while.
Though all expenses on her.

Okies. SLEEPP!
nights.